Donald Trump

Everything in life is luck. I was lucky to be born into a wealthy, possibly corrupt and most likely racist family. Experience taught me a few things. One is to listen to your gut, no matter many big macs and diet cokes you’ve had that day. The second is that you’re generally better off sticking with what you know—and I know very little.  But I inherited about $413 million, so it didn’t really matter. Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make – especially in my case since I’ve filed for bankruptcy six times. I even grew the budget deficit to $7 trillion dollars, so America may have to file for bankruptcy, too. 

I cherish women. I respect women incredibly. I want to help women. I’m going to be able to do things for women that no other candidate would be able to do, and it’s very important to me. I’ve been married 3 times, and like to grab ’em by the pussy. So what if 26 nasty women felt it was sexual harassment. One even called it rape. You have to treat ’em like shit.  Even all of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me. That’s to be expected. Certain guys tell me they want women of substance, not beautiful models. It just means they can’t get beautiful models. Hell, I gave one $130,000! Take my daughter Ivanka… She does have a very nice figure… If she weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.

I’m the least racist person I know. If I were starting off today, I would love to be a well-educated black, because I believe they do have an actual advantage.  I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks, but the only guys I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes all day. I’m leading in the polls with the Hispanics because I produce jobs, and they know it. I have thousands of Hispanics that work for me. But Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best.  They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. Why are we having all these people from shithole countries coming here?

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don’t go into government. That’s why I ran for President.